While many care leavers know who their closest relatives are, it is possible you do not. You may have been separated at birth and so may have not yet met one or more of your parents. Alternatively you may have discovered the identity of a parent or the existence of siblings or half siblings from your records for the first time. Once you’ve received and read your records you may wish to search for and contact these birth relatives.
This process is similar to the one that adopted people go through to find their birth parents. However, there are important differences. The main one is that although your situation is very similar, as a care leaver you cannot access certain sources of information that may be made available to adopted people. Your access to intermediary services is also likely to be limited. Although some adoption support agencies may be able to offer this there will be a charge for them do so.
Do you wish to continue?
Finding relatives on social media
How to conduct a personal search– step by step
What to expect from the search
Hiring a professional researcher
What happens if I cannot find the birth relative I am looking for?
What if I find out that my birth mother and or birth father has died?
Do you wish to continue?
Some peopleare content with the information they receive from their records and don’t wantto begin a search for relatives, and if you feel the same then it’s importantnot to be pressured by others to do something you don’t want to do or are notready for at this point in your life.
Otherpeople feel they want to take it further and begin a search for family members.Indeed you may have had this as your goal from the moment you startedinvestigating your history.
You canalways change your mind at any point during the process, as making contact withyour relatives is likely to have a major impact on both you and yourfamily. Searching for lost relativesmay affect existing relationships, especially if the person you wish to contactis associated with difficult memories. Youshould speak to the people closest to you and make sure that you are in a goodframe of mind before you begin.
Finding relatives on social media
Socialmedia has made it much easier for people to find one another for free usingFacebook and other sites. Care leavers, who may still be in touch with otherrelatives from their childhoods, often find it especially easy to locate peoplein this way. However, you should becareful approaching unknown people on these sites and set clear boundaries atthe start. Whereas other forms ofcontact can be at your own pace, allowing you to get to know someone slowly,contact via social media can be very rapid. Depending on your privacy settingsyou may accidentally give someone access to lots of information about you andyour family. You may also find outthings about them that they would otherwise keep private. We recommend taking your time in messagingand ‘friending’ people so that you stay in control of your relationship.
How to conduct a personal search– step by step
Thefirst step after getting your records is to speak to relatives you are in touchwith and ask for further information about the person you are looking for, ifthis is possible. It may not be, either because you have no relatives to speakto or you may not want them to know about your search. However, if you can it will help you to putimportant clues together, such as the person’s last known whereabouts andinformation about their personal relationships.Along with information from your records this may help you to track themdown.
Forexample, one care leaver has told us about how she found her birth father. Hewas not named in her records, but there was a reference to a street where helived at the time of her birth. Speaking to an older sibling she was able todiscover that he regularly visited a particular barber’s shop on this street,which was still there. The owner of the shop remembered the man and was able togive his name.
Once you have as much information as possible from your records and, if possible, family stories, we recommend you start your search in the following order by clicking the links below:
- Birth, Marriage and Death Registers
- Electoral Registers
- Wills and Probate
- Other sources of information
What to expect from the search
Youare essentially about to become a detective for a while. The process is equivalentto the work required in researching a family tree. People’s experience oftracing their birth relatives can vary depending on the individual. Some findit boring and tedious, while others enjoy doing it.
In many ways the technical, repetitive nature of this stage of the process canblind you to the still very complex emotional factors involved – many peoplewill feel excited while others might feel uncomfortable. It’s important toacknowledge this and seek support throughout if you find that it’s raising feelingsyou need to talk about. This might involve discussing it with a friend orfamily member, or even inviting them to help you with the search.
Somerelatives can be harder to trace than others, especially if they were only inthe UK for a short time or now live overseas. You may have very limitedinformation on them from your care records, and may not be able to supplementit by speaking to birth relatives, while others have lots of clues.
If you are aged 18-25 and are still in contact with your leaving care team, you can ask them for guidance and help in your search. They may also be able to act as intermediaries for making first contact. Some local authority and voluntary care providers also offer support to over 25’s (e.g. Barnardo’s have a paid-for research and intermediary service) but others do not. In this case we recommend contacting The Care Leavers’ Associationor The Rees Foundationto find out about peer support networks. We also list other tracing services in our resources section.
Hiring a professional researcher
If you feel that you might struggle with your search, or have tried and failed in the past you might consider getting help from a professional. If you find that the local authority or organisation that cared for you is unable to help, you can contact The Salvation Army Family Tracing service, who may be able to help to reunite you with relatives for a small fee.
What happens if I cannot find the birthrelative I am looking for?
Sometimessearches can prove very difficult and you do not manage to find the birthrelative you are looking for. If this happens there are ways to widen thesearch, for example by looking for other relatives of the unfound person, forexample, a sibling or adult child.
However,you may need to accept that you might never find them, or that the search willgo cold for a number of years. Sometimesnew information may come to light later in life, or you may yourself becontacted by the person you are seeking, but not everyone is successful.
Itmay also happen that the person you are looking for has passed away.
What if I find out that the person I am lookingfor has died?
Thiscan be really upsetting, particularly if you have never considered thispossibility before.
Ifyou have found that your birth relative has died then you could apply for thedeath certificate as usually it will have the name and address of the person’snext of kin, so you can consider contacting them. You may also be able tofind out if the person has left a Will as this may also open up otherpossibilities for contacting another relative who may be able to tell you moreabout the person you were looking for, and perhaps talk to you about them or giveyou a photograph.
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